I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
