Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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