what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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