using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
