True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
