He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
