You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
