on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
