pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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