OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
