spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
