just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I have fence marks all over my body
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I think I just sharted jello shots
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