the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I seem to have left my pride at pride
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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