so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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