I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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