you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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