Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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