First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
