Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
