Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
