Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
