dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
