you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
