u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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