Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
