so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
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