i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Randomize
