I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
