M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
