i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
