I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
