I bet he comes in French.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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