I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
