What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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