Buhtt sex?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
