i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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