Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
My life is pants optional.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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