So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
