No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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