oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
