I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
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My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
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Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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