Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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