He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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