I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Randomize
