someone threw a dead crab at me
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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