he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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