Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
