I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
