His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize