once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
