chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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