@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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