Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
