We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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