don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
