whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
