Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
