....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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