And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
It's just like the Real World with babies
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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