Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
