NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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