just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
