I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize