You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
